A Bunch of Predators, Ranked

Yesterday I finished the fourth of the four main “Predator” movies, The Predator (2018), co-written and directed by Shane Black, who played one of the special-ops soldiers in the first movie, Predator, from 1987. His character wore glasses and was the first to be killed by the alien in that movie. This “franchise” has never really cohered, even though there are four films in the main series and two films in the off-shoot “Alien Versus Predator” series. Here is how I would rank the movies in terms of overall quality:

6. Alien vs. Predator: Requiem (2007) is cold garbage, an incoherent hash of trash.

5. Predators (2010) is hot garbage, with decent effects and dully repetitive action.

4. Alien vs. Predator (2004) is a mildly underrated B-movie that brings some interesting ideas to both the Alien and Predator franchises.

3. Predator 2 (1990) is an oddly giddy, oddly conceived, often entertaining direct sequel to the first film, with a fun cast.

2. Predator (1987) is a ridiculously over-the-top pure-80s Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle that sort of works as a vague satire of American foreign policy but is mostly a hyper-masculine celebration of deforestation by ammunition and camp posturing. It has as much on its mind as a wrestling match but is far bloodier.

1. The Predator (2018) is a charmingly winking and characteristically violent action comedy focusing on an hilarious group of Section 8 misfits who join forces with a resourceful government biologist (Olivia Munn) to fend off a couple of dueling predators somewhere in American suburbia. This is the best Predator movie and one can imagine more in this vein if the series’ producers were not so lacking in imagination. It’s hardly a great movie, but it has a good sense of speed and fun. There are also a lot of ringers in the cast, in supporting roles—Keegan Michael-Key, for example, and Tom Jane and Sterling Brown. The kid from Room is also here, playing the lead soldier’s young son whose Asperger’s boosts his tech acumen. (Child Prodigy trope.) Adding a kid into the mix is a classic sequel move (viz. Friday the 13th Part IV, Aliens) that pays off here with some sweet anti-bullying maneuvers. And Munn, in particular, is given one of her better roles here—playing, as usual, the brainy, sexy, down-to-hang fun-time girl, with a lot of grit and humor. (Fun fact, when my wife and I lived in Los Angeles for a few years in the aughts—when I was in film school—she was our neighbor. We refer to her as “Neighbor,” actually. She went by Lisa Munn, then; Olivia is her middle name. It’s been fun to watch her career from afar.)

To find Predator-based creativity, one really needs to turn to the comics. It’s puzzling that more hasn’t been made of these for new movies in the series. The comics (I’ve not read them, apart from a couple) appear to place Predators in the middle of a variety of human conflicts throughout history all around the world, any of which would be cool backdrops for film versions. Also, in the comics Predators have faced off with, not only Xenomorphs from the Alien series, but also a serial killer, African villagers, fishermen, Jesse James, American Civil War soldiers, Judge Dredd, Batman, Superman, Tarzan, Archie and the Terminator.

Having seen them all, I really think the movie franchise should aim higher. I am ready for some variety.